Monday, December 31, 2001

How many people went to work today like every other Monday?
*waves hand in air*
How many people weren't told that today was still considered holiday?
*waves hand in air*
How many people are one step closer to stalking from office to office with a semi-automatic rifle, pumping round after round into collegues and co-workers?
*sulks out of the room in shame*

Sunday, December 30, 2001

Women of Note
It has recently come to my attention that I have, really, two categories where the women in my life live. Wanton Lust and Affectionate Sister. Well, there is another, Hideous Bitch, but that is a temporary category best left for a discussion of my bitterness.
Most women I know live in the Wanton Lust category. This doesn't mean that I want to rip their close off and make wild, monkey sex with them, but it does mean that I am not going to totally remove the possibility of future monkey sex. Chances are, in all reality, said monkey sex will never happen, but just in case. This applies to women who are single, and some others, if they happen to be dating mouth-breathing, knuckle-dragging cro-magnon idiot-boys. But women who date these sloped-brow evolutionary throw-backs would never be convinced to leave them, in my experience. There is some strange allure to these missing links that seems to attract every smart, attractive woman I know.
Sorry, little bitterness there. If you happen to know me, and are dating some Neanderthal, I apologize. I am talking about every other smart, attractive woman I know, not you..
Moving on, there is also the Affectionate Sister category. All married women I know fall into this category, even the ones married to the above mentioned knuckle-dragger. Plus some other people that I have know for a very long time, and every female relative I have. The possibly of wild, monkey sex is not only non-existent, but utterly repulsive. The thought of these women even having sex with whom-ever makes me loose sleep, curled fetally in the dark corner of my room. These people exist pretty much in a sexless world, as far as I am concerned, like my parents.
So, okay, since you are pestering, there is the third category, Hideous Bitch. Women get placed into the Hideous Bitch category from the time they do something mean, like not returning calls, or canceling dates without telling me first, or inviting me to Colorado for Thanksgiving then never even calling to say they don't want me to go anymore or inviting me to Scuba-diving only to later tell me there is no room because looser-boyfriend decided at the last minute to go
even though he is afraid of water (I have some fears, but water? please).
Anyway, getting back on track. When a woman does something like this (and if you have ever done anything like this to me, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the other Neanderthal-dating women I know), then you get shifted into Hideous Bitch for the time between when you did whatever it was that pissed me off, until you do something nice, like calling or emailing or whatever, then you get placed back into your original category, probably Wanton Lust since Affectionate Sisters are immune to this category, and all history of
your existence in Hideous Bitch is erased.

So, there.

Thursday, December 27, 2001

Well, then, that sucked.. Finally able to get into my blog now *yea*
But after a day of jonesing to blog, I can think of not one interesting thing to say...

Tuesday, December 25, 2001

Do they know it's christmas time at all
This has to be my strangest christmas ever. After being up late, I am awakened by my phone ringing, a 4:30 AM. Thinking it might be my fam calling to wish me a merry xmas, not remembering the 2 hour time shift, I answer. Nope, not family, 'Hi, this is Travis* from the Exodus Response Center. We have an alert on one of your servers.' Ugh.. This is not what I want to hear at 4:30 christmas morning. So I get up and deal with that for about 30 minutes. By that point, I am hungry so I made a quick egg & cheese sandwich. After I finish, of course, I am awake so I take my shower and procede to the gifts.
Wonderful gifts from the whole family. Many framed pictures and homemade things (homemade pickles and hot sause, Yum!). Then I opened a little gift from one of my nieces and it was this little '#1 Uncle' money clip, and I started blubbering like a baby.
I realised something about christmas that I had been suspecting for sometime. The most fun on christmas is watching a 4 year old tear into the presants, paper flying everywhere and loving everything she gets. She could get a rock, but it would be the best rock in the world. Also, sitting on the couch with my dad after dinner watching some tv. Listening to my mom, sisters, and nieces play games in the dining room. Watching the kids play in the back room.
Because, unless you have someone to share this with, it's really just Tuesday.

Anyway... Merry christmas to everyone out there, my whole Internet family...

*names changed to protect the guilty.

Sunday, December 23, 2001

Woo Hoo!! Number seven on this Yahoo/Google search for 'clinicly depressed'. Gawd I need to learn how to spell.

Friday, December 21, 2001

In other news, puppies.
I went for a walk tonight and came up with this babbleing stream of conciousness. I will bear no resposibility for the time spent by you or any grammatic, spelling, or other errors contained herein. These thoughts are my own and may not represent the opinions of There is no Arizona..., Blogger, Pyra, any known person living or dead, or any beings which may or may not exist on this or any other reality.
My brain is full. I have these half thoughts that come into my mind at a blistering rate, never becoming fully formed. I think something, and it dies, but not before giving birth to another thought, which will ultimatly be aborted, resulting in yet another thought, ad infinatum. Each of these half thoughts, while seeming important to me, end up as nothing. Wrought from nothing, existing in nothing, eventually returning to nothing but the dry Arizona air. Sometimes I wish I had someone to walk beside me, to listen while I walk and drink my coffee, so that these thoughts could somehow become real, simply by being heard. This person doesn't have to talk, but only listen, and perhaps then these thoughts would continue on as their thoughts, eventually changing, mutating, evolving, then getting told to another silent companion who will take them as their thoughts. And maybe they could continue on forever in this form forever, getting passed from person to person, changing with each new person. Will you be my silent partner for a while, so that I can tell you my half thougts?
I was thinking about my old friends (I told you I would get to this). At what point does a close friend become an old friend. What is the exact moment when you have grown enought, and they have grown enought that you really don't know each other anymore? When does calling to chat become calling to catch up, to reminisce? What percentage of memories does a conversation have to contain to stop being new, and end up as only a recounting of things past? How many awkward pauses and aborted stories (because you really 'had to be there') must exist in a conversation to determine that perhaps you shouldn't call anymore, but exchange cards and letters on an ever widening schedule, until the friendship itself becomes a memory.
Lately I have been feeling myself moving. I can feel the seat of my pants moving through space, but I can also feel myself moving though time. I'm getting older, getting to the point that, not so many years ago, I thought was old. I feel myself growing older, but I don't feel quite like I am growing up. My brother, 17 years my elder, has 3 daughters, 2 age 16, one age 14. In one year, I will be the age he was when he had is first. Yet I don't think I will have any. People say it is good to grow old but never to grow up, yet I find myself wishing I had his sense of purpose, a rootedness in direction and security that this is what I must do, not just what I should do. I find myself wanting something real and pressing that must be attended to. Instead, there is nothing. I have done things, but they have all become obsoliete or rather vanished into memory, perhaps never exists at all, really. All I have are memories, and I can feel time wearing them down. The hours and minutes washing like the sea over the sandcastles of my accomplishments. Is this bad? To have nothing real, no lasting legacy to be remembered.
I find myself 2000 miles away from even these ephemeral things. Miles and miles from everything I have known and done. I think over the things that have brought me to this place. The college experience, poor as dirt. The 3 year marriage, ulitmatly ended. The aborted love affair, mostly of my own conjuring, which caused my move. My 'Year of Solitude', which threatens to continue on without end. Now I find myself in another paragraph, which should have preceded the last, because it is more the cause then the result of that thought.
Now I am thinking too much on what to say next, most of what was thought on my walk vanished. I am thinking too hard now because I talk too much in this place. I have grown to know something of you, the reader. I hesitate on somethings because I don't want to offend or drive you off. This I think is a bad thing, because in the end, this is what will be left of me. My thoughts and words, perhaps. Perhaps nothing, they will be only a fleeting thought to you while you are engulfed in your life.
And now all the thoughts are gone. All that remains is a jumble of things in such a mess that even I can't sort them out. A trainwreck of ponderings and half thoughts and quarter thoughts and a string of random words. Let me ponder this for a while, and come up with some more partial somethings to share.

Thursday, December 20, 2001

To All,

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best
wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially
responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral,
celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within
the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of
your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with
respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or
traditions of others, or their choice not to practice
religious or secular traditions at all, and a fiscally
successful, personally fulfilling, and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally
accepted calendar year 2002, but not without due respect for
the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions
to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that
America is necessarily greater than any other country or is
the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without
regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability,
religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual
preference of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It
is freely transferable with no alteration to the original
greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually
implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is
void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole
discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform
as expected within the usual application of good tidings for
a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent
holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is
limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish
at the sole discretion of the wisher.)
Lord of the Rings
Oh my sweet mother of all that is good and holy. That was just a totally wonderful movie. I don't think I can come up with the words to quite describe how truely wonderful and glorious that movie truly was.
There is only one thing that bothers me about it. One small (or not so small really) detail they changed in it. I will probably blather on more about it later, but I will give everyone a chance to see it. You must see it on the big screen or the pure grandure of the scenery will be lost..

Wednesday, December 19, 2001

This is my job
This pretty much sums up what I do. Please read this and understand :)

In other news, kittens.

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

I really need to get off my but and write something good for this thing. I feel like it is atrophying out from under me. But lately I am just bored with everything. Family, friends, books, the web. Nothing exciting me too much lately. I don't know if it's just the holiday depression, or what, I feel like something has to be done. I need to start something new. What should I be doing, instead of sitting around?

Friday, December 14, 2001

This is truely scary. Professional stalkers. Perhaps I should consider my change of profession now...
Must pay well, since for a full 'coincidence', the running rate appears to be $78,000. Mmmm, don't think I can swing that.
Fun.. Countries that have visited my blog...
Australia, UK, Canada, US, Sweden, Finland, Ireland, China
Fun.. I want a hit from every continent, then from every country. That would just be nifty...
Ugh.. I need a new job.
Daily I am confronted with the idiocy of the people I work with and realize there is no hope.
It's 10am, I feel like crap, I'm tired, and I think I will have to kill the next person who walks into my office bitching about something.
Oh my, how lazy am I? I actually read an entire book in the bath tonight. It was only 170 pages or so, but still...
Ah, and the book. What a sexy, wonderful book it was. 'Vox' by Nicholson Baker. Oh my that was sexy. I need to take a small walk now and release some tension. I won't be sleeping easy tonight, I tell you.
But, in keeping with this, lets put up a definative reading list, hows about.
'London Fields' - Martin Amis
'High Fidelity' - Nick Hornby
'Love in the time of Cholera' - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
'Microserfs' - Douglas Coupland
'A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius' - Dave Eggers
'Angela's Ashes' - Frank McCourt
'The Virgin Suicides' - Jeffrey Eugenidies
'The Fountainhead' - Ayn Rand

Those are the ones off the top of my head that have changed something about the way I think or act. What about you?

Tuesday, December 11, 2001

I need a new job. Someone please hire me.

Monday, December 10, 2001

I Hate
So I cruise on over to my wish list to remove a book I bought myself this weekend (I know, aren't I naughty). So I perusing it to make sure I haven't forgotten something and what is at the bottom? A little note that says 'Items already purchased for you are hidden from view'. Well that gives me a happy thinking someone might have purchased something for me. But below that is a link that says 'Reveal purchased items'.
How mean is this! So I can wait until xmas or peek into mom's closet to see what I am getting. This is just horrible. I want to know but I know that it will ruin the surprise and I will hate myself, but will I hate myself enough to make me not do it? I don't know... This sucks!!
Oh my stars and garters!
I gotta get me some of this! Makes me feel all sorts of 10 years old again.
I feel so domesticated. I addressed and signed my christmas cards. At least the first round. There is still time for those of you who hear my pleas for attention to email me and get a christmas card. And I must say, that bar none, I have the cutest cards of the season. I have 4 left, so don't get left behind. Be the first on your block to get on of my uber-cute cards :) Surely to be a collectors item in years to come. Hedge against inflation and invest in one of my spiffy cards!
Ok, enough of the emotional blackmail :) Other then the cards and some menial cleaning of the apartment, I did absolutly nothing of note this weekend. Picked up two new books and that's about it.

Saturday, December 08, 2001

Thursday, December 06, 2001

Robyn, has to be one of the sweetest people I know. Not only did she email me a nice thank you for the gift, but she mailed me a wonderful little xmas/thanks card in the mail! So, for people to like me, I just have to buy them gifts (just kidding).

Also, since everyone else is doing it, email me your address and I will stalk, er, send you an xmas card. I haven't done this in years, so what a nifty way to start again.

Yesterday it was warmer in Grand Rapids, MI (my hometown) then it was here in Tempe, AZ. Ok, I live in a place called 'The Valley of the Sun'. It should always be warmer then Michigan (which I refer to as the great white north). This is just wrong and not what I signed up for when I moved down here.

Also, looks like the startup I work for now has money until the end of March! Yea! This is a good thing since last I knew we had money until the end of January. At least we will be well into the first quarter, so companies will be hiring again. :)

Monday, December 03, 2001

And thus ends my professional drinking career. I'm not saying I will never have a drink again, but my binge drinking days are over. That has to be one of the stupidest things I have ever done. Yeah...
Feeling only slightly ill now, but able to focus on normal work. Took my boss of the broken wrist to Fry's for lunch to pick up a pile of pc's. That was fun and what-not.
Ugg... So I got to work about 9am.. Little later then I would have wanted. I am slowly realizing that I should have just called in sick, but that would not go over well since I had Friday off :)
So update. Do not drink mere hours before you have to go to work. You will regret it.
Feeling a little sick, but I doubt that I will be ill unless those idiots from Exodus keep calling me. Blah...
Old Friends
I am struck here thinking about old friends. Having some flashback, I presume. What is to be done about old friends. Being as I have moved 2000 miles away from the friends I had, I have some perspective on this. I think I will have to think on this more.... Be prepared for updates...
Hmm.. Here is an idea that just crossed my beer-addled brain. Perhaps I will update the blog every hour, to update all you people of my progress on this hung-over day of days.. Let's find out. I will start when I get to work and every hour after :)
Oh good god, I am drunk at 5:16am on a school day. What is the world coming to. Will I call in sick to work in the morning? Probably not. I will go in and be the ray of sunshine that I normally am.
It's taking me twice as long to blog this becuse every other keystroke is 'backspace', because I have been drinking. I really need to stop this.